I remember doing some self sabotage coaching with a couple. The female started off by saying, “why can’t he just like me for me……for who I really am?” (referring to her male counterpart not being comfortable with some of her behavior) Seemed like a valid question….yet it really wasn’t.
This lady’s hair wasn’t her natural color, her breasts were implanted, her lips were injected, her skin manipulated by various laser therapies and her lifestyle taken right from the media programming inserted into her psyche over the first 30 years of her life. I had to tell her that it was an extremely unreasonable demand to have him “like her for her” when there was little left of her original self to begin with. “If you can’t like or love your original self, how do you really know what love is?”, I asked. Like most clients, the sting was obvious……but so was the contemplation. The question that should have been asked was, “why can’t he just like me for how the media built me to be?” and that my friends is a very tall order because the media isn’t selling anything right now that’s truly attractive, loving or safe……..and that’s what relationships need to survive. There’s no real beauty in rejecting your natural self….and then copying and pasting a personality directly out of our corrupted media.
The man was also in the same boat, doing many things to himself, which simply disguised and obscured who he really was as well. Love is needed but each of their souls couldn’t get past the media programming to make that real natural connection, essential for a strong relationship. The game plan I tabled was to become more natural versions of themselves over time and to slowly remove the media facade that was driving their behavior. “It’s about progress, not perfection”, I told them. Improved health was also recommended (as I also do), as a healthy mind and body can make this transition much easier. Less media was also prescribed. I worked with this couple 3 years ago and just talked to them today. Things are much better on all levels. They said thank you and I said what I often do……”always a pleasure.”